What Makes You Angry in the Workplace?
My friend Kathryn Jeffers wrote a book called Don’t Kill the Messenger: How to Avoid the Dangers of Workplace Conflict. In the Introduction, she paraphrases Aristotle’s words on anger. He believed that anyone can become angry, but to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, for the right purpose, and in the right way, is not easy. If you know how to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, for the right purpose, and in the right way, and if you have asked three people who care enough about you to tell the truth for verification of your skill set, skip the rest of this question. If not, read on.
Anger in the workplace is a tricky thing. It is most often misused, misdirected, and misunderstood. Most of us are not comfortable dealing with raw emotions. We get uncomfortable with glad, sad, and mad and go to great lengths to avoid them. We haven’t been educated to react appropriately when we’re either the giver or the receiver of these emotions. Learning to understand, control, and utilize conflict in a positive way takes commitment, practice, and hard work.
Unfortunately, leaders often think they are exempt from the commitment, practice, and hard work it takes to make anger a tool rather than an outburst. In many organizations, the stories about a leader’s rage are legendary, and they’re usually not stories with happy endings. It is highly unlikely that you or any other members on your leadership team will succeed by using anger as a management tool. If you or one of your colleagues uses anger or rage as a technique, this would be a great time to stop it.
This does not mean that you shouldn’t think about or talk about what makes you angry. Even though you may pride yourself on containing your anger (trust me on this), people around you know when you’re angry. Knowing what makes you angry is helpful for both you and the people around you.
Several years ago I realized that having to go over information or instructions people had already agreed upon made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. All of my ability to help a learner learn, and my ability to keep calm and display infinite patience, disappeared. When people ask me to go over old agreements, my jaw clenches, my breathing gets shallow, and I start talking in short, clipped sentences. I don’t yell, rant, or rave. The effect, however, is the same. People know I’m angry, and I know they don’t know why. This is my problem, as anger so often is, and I’ve learned that letting people know what’s happening to me–and that it isn’t their fault–is helpful for both of us. So, answer this question. It will be good for you and for others!