If the Performance Problem is Due to a Personal Problem, How do I Start Talking About Someone’s Personal Life Without Appearing to be Nosy or Invading Privacy?
If you and the employee have developed a good personal relationship, you won’t be considered nosy. You have always shown interest in the employee as a person. All you have to do is to carry this further by commenting about the employee’s obvious change in performance.
If you don’t have this kind of positive long-term relationship, talk about the job issue. "This assignment should not have caused you any problems. Could there be something complicating the situation?" Out of this discussion, a personal problem may emerge. "The assignment should be simple, but I just have been feeling depressed lately and can’t focus." Or, "No one seems to have difficulty getting into the office at 9 a.m. Do you have any reason for why you can’t make it into the office on time or have been leaving early lately?" The employee responds, "My wife and I have been having marital problems. She has moved out, leaving my son with me. I have to get him ready for school and I leave early to pick him up at the end of his school day."
Once you have identified that the performance problem is caused by a personal problem, you need to work with the employee to identify a workable solution. It doesn’t matter whether a performance problem is due to a lack of training or attitudinal issue or a personal matter, employees need to meet or exceed the standards for their job.
It may be tempting to play "Dear Abby" and tell an employee how to cope with his below-par feelings or marital issue, as in the previously mentioned cases, but that can be dangerous. Giving advice beyond your expertise is too serious a matter for any manager, especially advice off the top of your head. Your role as a manager is to encourage the employee to think through his problem so he can make a decision. If common-sense solutions aren’t enough, you may want to suggest that the employee seek some professional assistance. For instance, in the cases above, a visit to the doctor may be the first step to find out why the first employee feels depressed. And there may be a family counseling service that can offer advice both with the marital problem and childcare.
As the employee seeks outside help, it is important that you keep his or her confidence. Certainly other members of the work team shouldn’t be told without the employee’s consent.
Problems should be taken seriously. They are very serious to the one living them. Empathy and understanding are owed every human being. So don’t jump on the employee if he or she takes some sick leave to get through particularly hard days. Having a caring manager will keep alienation from occurring and foster better feelings about the company.
You may even want to make some work reassignments during this period. It may be worthwhile to give employees involved in outside counseling structured, nondecision-making tasks. When that isn’t possible, you should undertake joint decision making for a period. Frequent follow-up and encouragement, not checking up, will help a troubled employee concentrate and be productive. This will require more attention from you but your employee won’t resent it if it is offered in a helpful, "let’s get this done" way.