When I Hear Rumors That an Employee is Angry with Me, How do I Deal with Him?
Seek out the person and ask him or her about the rumor. If the individual denies the rumor, there is nothing more you can do. On the other hand, if the person acknowledges that he or she is angry with something you said or did, then you need to get the person to elucidate. You need to have a sense of the true source of the difference that could become a conflict between you.
When you understand the nature of the problem, you will be able to discuss how the situation can be remedied. Hear out the other party. Don’t interrupt. When you interrupt, you tell the speaker that you aren’t really listening. You’ve already prejudged him or his viewpoint and you see no reason to hear him out.
Nor should you jump ahead with your angry coworker and assume that you both will never lunch together again. Paraphrase what you heard. Ask the person if you are accurate in understanding his complaint. Show a willingness to understand. When your peer tells you, "You don’t understand," don’t respond, "Of course, I do." Rather, tell the individual, "I want to understand."
Tell Me More
If the real problem seems to have nothing to do with what the individual is saying, probe more deeply to get the person to expand on his or her comments. Once you know the true nature of the dispute, you can refocus your mindset to defuse the situation. It’s not you versus the other person but rather you trying to come to grips with a difference that needs to be resolved in order for a positive relationship with the other person to resume.
Toward that, direct the discussion to new behaviors. If it is possible to do as the person requests, do so. If you can’t help your colleague as he or she wishes, what can you do? You both have to decide how to prevent a recurrence of the situation that brought you to this point in your relationship. You might also want to apologize if you find that you were in the wrong. If the upset is due to an omission or commission on your part, admit your mistake and ask, "What can I do to make it up to you?"
If you agree to your colleague’s request, keep your promise. Each time you promise but then fail to do as you offered, you lose a little of the respect of others, until you will have none left.