Is it Always Wrong to Express my own Anger?
No. Sometimes, controlled anger can make clear how important an issue is. I know a manager who doesn’t get angry at any of his employees when they make a mistake. Rather, she focuses on the situation itself, shouting about the problem the mistake has caused, demonstrating how important the error is and thereby encouraging more care by her employees in the future.
This isn’t to say that you can’t get angry at an individual. If you think that seeing your anger will serve your relationship well, then expressing anger, in a controlled manner, may be helpful. It communicates your displeasure about something.
The key is to sustain control over your anger. You can yell and scream—but such behavior will only make you look overly emotional and unprofessional. Ideally, rather than lose your temper, express your feelings of anger: "I feel angry because…."
Controlling your temper involves four steps:
- Recognize that you are angry.
- Identify the cause of your anger.
- Understand why the situation produced anger.
- Deal with the anger realistically.
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If you let yourself get out of control, and exchange angry words with either a customer, your manager, or one of your employees, you only make those parties uneasy. Your angry words won’t change the minds of these parties. You aren’t listening to what they are saying, nor are they listening to you.
Better to become analytical during such situations. Everyone has what he or she believes is a good reason for behavior that looks irrational, childish, or worse. Ask yourself what the other person’s justification might be. Still, if you think you can blame another for your loss of control, forget it. You are the only person who is in control of your emotions. And you only injure yourself when you relinquish your control over your emotions. Which means you aren’t as likely to win. Anger will get in the way of your rational thinking; it will keep you from seeing the picture more clearly—maybe, even recognizing some positive points that the other person is making.
If you do lose your control, consider what happened. Evaluate your reaction. Learn to be an observer in your own life, and make a commitment to do better the next time. If there is someone who can get your goat, no matter what you do, and—worse—this person seems bent on doing it as often as possible, then learn to distance yourself from him or her.